


'Till the Day I Die

by SallyWhite92



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Dealing With Loss, Depression, F/M, Inspired by Law & Order: SVU, Realizing Love, The Grieving Process, Witness Protection, playlist to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7544524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SallyWhite92/pseuds/SallyWhite92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After putting a major drug dealer in jail, Judy is shot and killed and Nick is left to pick up the pieces of his life without her. After a year of grieving and being in therapy he decides he's finally ready to try to move on. But when a new case arrives with connections to Judy's case, Nick realizes that there's more to this than meets the eye. Full of angst and heartbreak and lots of Wildehopps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'Till the Day I Die

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually the very first idea for a fanfic I had after I officially joined the fandom. It's been a few months in the works and I finally decided to jot down the first chapter today. Mind you, I've been writing all day and I ended this chapter earlier than I had originally planned, but I hope it conveys the emotion that will be present for the first half of the story. Also I will do my best to update regularly, since I am off on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so I have set days when I can write. Also a playlist for this story will be coming, once I find all the songs that I think fit it. So without further ado, here's the first part!

This wasn’t supposed to happen.  
  
It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  
_  
I’m sorry…god, I’m so sorry…  
  
_ He couldn’t think, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak…he couldn’t breathe. All he could do was stand there, useless, watching her fall, watching her die right in front of his eyes.  
  
Useless…he was so useless…  
  
_Why did this happen, why…  
  
I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…  
_

* * *

It had started out like any other day. The case they had been on was a mess from the beginning to the end. It started with doe crying assault and led to something so much bigger. An underground drug ring, surviving on blackmailing politicians and business mammals. It had similarities to the Night Howler case, only with a much milder drug.  
  
They had taken down one of the drug lords, a skinny jackal. Or, rather, Judy had taken him down. Literally. They had broken into his lab and she had tackled him to the floor, knocking him on his ass and handcuffing him before he even got the chance to be surprised.  
  
He wasn’t even in the interrogation room for three minutes before he spilled the beans.  
  
The ringleader of the drug distribution as a buck with ten-point antlers, known simply as Ten-Point. He stayed in his big mansion right outside of Zootopia, never getting his hooves dirty, preferring to be the one giving orders and letting others do the dirty work for him. He was ruthless, manipulative, fearless. A classic narcissistic sociopath who had yet to be caught.  
  
Until they got the warrant and arrested him not even twelve hours later.  
  
Ten-Point was charged and sent to await his trial in prison, without the possibility of bail. The press sang their praises, fellow officers were handing out congratulations left and right, the DA told them that it would probably be the easiest trial ever since all the evidence pointed to the buck. Nick took it all in stride, though it made his ego flare up to points where Judy had to literally knock him down a notch.  
  
The case was solved, everything was fine.  
  
Except it wasn’t.  
  
As officers were loading Ten-Point into the squad car he vowed revenge against them all, telling them that no one would betray him and their case would go down the toilet before he ever saw a jury.  
  
Then he looked at Judy and sneered.  
  
“I know where you live, rabbit, I know where you’re from, I know where your family is, I know everything about you. So if I were you, I would watch my back.”  
  
He was shoved in after that and driven off, leaving the fox and bunny chuckling at his lame attempt at scaring them. It wasn’t the first time a suspect had made empty threats.  
  
Still…there was a nagging feeling in the back of Nick’s mind, the kind that was trying to tell him that maybe they should listen to the buck, maybe Judy should be placed into protective custody, maybe they should take the threat seriously. Of course when he brought it up to her, she laughed and told him he was paranoid, she would be fine, after all who went after a cop much less the darling of Zootopia.  
  
He wanted to believe her. So he pushed the feeling and agreed with her, his usual casual smirk on his face. He didn’t bring it up again because he wanted her to be right. God, he wanted her to be right…  
  
A few nights later they went out with their fellow officers for drinks to celebrate. Nick got tipsy, Judy was drunk, everyone was loud and abrasive but it was all in good fun. They only left the bar when it closed, waving good bye to their comrades before making their way towards Judy apartment.  
  
“I really don’t understand why you won’t move in with me,” Nick was saying as they walked, one paw in his pocket while the other stayed on the small of her back, helping to guide her along the side walk.  
  
Judy giggled and shook her head at him, her ears flopping to and fro. “I’ve told you, I like being on my own. When you grow up with as many siblings as I had you treasure any alone time you can get. Besides, it’s not that bad.”  
  
“Carrots, I’ve seen broom closets bigger than your place.”  
  
“Don’t be mean.”  
  
“I’m not being mean, I’m just being honest.” He flashed her his signature grin, noting how she tried to roll her eyes at him but the smile on her lips refused to go away. Whether it was genuine or because of all the alcohol in her system he couldn’t tell, but he was glad for it.  
  
They were nearing her place when he broke the silence. “Just think about it, okay? My place has a kitchen and a bathroom and everything. It even has a washer and a drier.”  
  
“You just want someone to do your laundry.”  
  
“Carrots, I’m hurt! You think so little of me.”  
  
The bunny nudged him in the side, her eyes shining. “No, I just know you.”  
  
He shrugged easily, the paw on her back pulling her a little closer. “Well I promise that’s not the reason I’m pushing this. You deserve to have a nice place. Well, at least one without neighbors that stay up yelling at each other into the wee hours of the morning.”  
  
“Admittedly I am getting pretty tired of that,” she agreed, leaning into his side with a soft sigh.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something else when he saw it. An unmarked van speeding towards them from down the road. He snorted and rolled his eyes, turning to his partner to make a remark about bad drivers when he heard the gunshot.  
  
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion for the next thirty seconds.  
  
Firstly, the car flew by.  
  
Second, the bullet went into her shoulder.  
  
Third, she looked at him with wide fearful eyes before she fell back onto the sidewalk, her body seemed to be frozen in shock.  
  
He was, too.  
  
All he could do was stare at her with horror, unable to even turn his head to look at the vehicle, not thinking of seeing if he could distinguish the make and model of the car or to see if there were license plates he could memorize to look up later. No, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her, couldn’t believe this was happening.  
  
He couldn’t move.  
  
He couldn’t speak.  
  
Hell, he was barely breathing.  
  
It wasn’t until after he heard a civilian scream that he got his head back and he was immediately at her side, tearing his jacket off and pressing it against her wound, hoping and praying it would help somehow.  
  
He knew it really wasn’t.  
  
“Carrots, look at me, LOOK at me!” His free paw was trembling as he touched her face, terrified that if he wasn’t careful he would break her more. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, everything is going to be okay.” He could feel panicked tears building in his eyes and he quickly blinked them away. He had to stay calm, he couldn’t let his emotions overcome him right now.  
  
Distantly he could hear animals whispering, gathering around them, could feel eyes on his back as he tried desperately to stop the bleeding. He heard one mammal calling 911 and silently thanked them before cursing at himself. That should have been the first thing he’d done.  
  
Judy was gasping under him, her eyes still wide as her unhurt paw reached out to him, shaking so violently he could barely make out her fingers. “Nick! Nick—ah—Nick, it hurts, it hurts—”  
  
“Shh, sweetheart, I know, I know,” he told her, pressing on wound harder. “Just focus on me, okay, keep looking at me.” His mind was whirling and he felt like he might throw up. “It’s gonna be okay, help is on the way, you’re gonna be okay.”  
  
“Nick, Nick,” she sobbed, her whole body shaking now. “I can’t, I can’t—”  
  
“Yes you can, c’mon, shh, don’t talk, just look at me—” He was trembling now and he hated himself for it. He had to stay strong for her, he couldn’t afford to break down now. She needed him. “You’re gonna be okay, I swear it.”  
  
He nearly cried when he heard ambulance sirens, his paws tightening around her. “Help is coming, Carrots, just hold on a little longer.”  
  
“Nick.”  
  
He quickly looked back down at her. “Yeah?”  
  
She gave him a weak smile, her chest rising and falling erratically now. “Nick…thank you…you’ve always been there for me…”  
  
He felt his heart sinking and he shook his head. “Don’t do this, c’mon, they’re almost here—”  
  
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—”  
  
“Don’t you dare apologize to me—”  
  
“Sir.”  
  
The fox’s head shot up, looking at the medic who was now kneeling beside him. The Labrador gave him a smile as his colleges got the stretcher out of the vehicle, hurrying over to them. Nick felt the fur on his scruff rise, his body instinctively starting to wrap around Judy protectively. The canine medic reached out a paw to him.  
  
“Sir, we’re not going to hurt her, we’re here to help. She’s losing a lot of blood, we don’t have much time.”  
  
He knew they were right, he knew they had to get her out of here and to the hospital, but he had just seen her gunned down in front of him and he was _terrified._ He didn’t want to lose her.  
  
“Sir?”  
  
He took in a deep breath and moved away from her. “Okay.” He watched with trepidation as they loaded her up onto the stretcher, immediately getting to work trying to stabilize her.  
  
“I need 5 ounces of blood—”  
  
“Let’s get her out of here.”  
  
They went to load her into the ambulance when she let out a loud gasp and he watched in horror as her tiny body tried to constrict on the stretcher, her paws flailing. She was pushed down and strapped in, IV needles being stuck in her as all the medics started yelling at once.  
  
“Get me the blood NOW!”  
  
“She’s going into cardiac arrest!”  
  
“Her lungs are filling—”  
  
“We need to get her out of here now—”  
  
“Wait, please wait—!” Nick stumbled after them, his heart racing and his eyes wide as they loaded her into the ambulance.  
  
The Labrador turned and put his paw on the fox’s shoulder. “Sir, you can’t come with us—”  
  
“Please, she’s my partner, I can’t leave her—”  
  
“You can follow behind us, but we can’t have too many mammals in the ambulance right now.” The dog turned and hurried into the ambulance.  
  
“Judy!” Nick called desperately as they closed the doors. “Judy, hang on, I’ll be there soon, don’t leave me! JUDY!”  
  
The doors were closed and the sirens blared as the ambulance took off down the street, leaving him with one paw out-stretched, green eyes wide and panicked, body shaking from ear tips to tail tip. His chest heaved and he found that his vision was swimming, though whether it was from tears or just his mind whirling he couldn’t tell. He blinked and looked down, and all he saw was the blood left behind, all the blood that Judy had lost.  
  
He scrambled to the nearest dumpster and promptly threw up.

* * *

After he got his head back Nick called in the incident to the station then got the first taxi to the hospital. Traffic was terrible though and he didn’t get there for another hour. He was sure the taxi driver hated him after how much he snapped at him and couldn’t keep still in the backseat. He made sure to tip the guy nice when they got to the hospital.  
  
Nick ran into the hospital, trying to ask around about Judy but no one would answer him. He felt like he was going in circles trying to get anyone to talk to him about his partner, where was she, was she alright, would someone please just talk to him??  
  
As he was running around he saw Chief Bogo talking to one of the nurses. It wasn’t uncommon for the chief to show up when one of his officers had been hurt, but the grim look on the buffalo’s face made him nervous.  
  
Nick padded over to the other male. “Chief, sir.”  
  
Bogo looked down at the fox, his ears twitching just a bit. Not a good sign. “Wilde.”  
  
“Sir, have you heard anything? I’ve been trying to get someone to talk to me but no one will, no one will tell me how Judy is doing—”  
  
“Nick.”  
  
The fox blinked. Bogo never used his first name. “…sir?”  
  
The chief looked around before gesturing towards some chairs with his hoof. “Let’s sit.”  
  
Uh oh, Nick thought. This couldn’t be a good sign… He nodded and followed the buffalo over the chair, climbing up and sitting down as Bogo sat himself in the chair beside him. He wrapped his tail around himself, trying to be prepared for any bad news that was to come. Was she in a coma? Was she paralyzed in some way? Was she going to have to take a long extended break from the force? Would he have to find a new partner?  
  
_I don’t care…just please let her be alright…  
  
_ He watched the chief take in a deep breath, his eyes closed as his ears continued to twitch this way and that. Nick was about to ask when Bogo opened his eyes and looked him in straight in the eye.  
  
“I’m sorry, son—”  
  
_Don’t call me son—  
  
_ “—but she didn’t make it. The doctors say she lost too much blood on the way to the hospital, they tried to resuscitate her but it was too late. Her heart gave out before they could use the defibrillator on her.” Bogo placed his hoof on the fox’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
The world seemed to stop for Nick, everything going gray as his mind whirled and his heart skipped. Judy…was gone? No…that couldn’t be possible, it just couldn’t be, he just could not imagine a world without Judy Hopps in it. Who was going to greet him in the morning with a smile and a coffee? Who was he going to sit next to at work and complain about paperwork? Who was going to smile and cheer every time they got the bad guy? Who was going to come over to his house after work to watch stupid movies with him so they could laugh at it?  
  
Who was going to comfort him, hold him, offer him a supportive shoulder and an understanding gaze every time he fucked up? Who was going to be his light, his warmth, his entire world?  
  
Nothing was right anymore…nothing…  
  
“Wilde.”  
  
Nick slowly blinked and the world came back into focus as he stared at his chief.  
  
“You’re on paid PTO for the next two weeks,” Bogo told him, his tone leaving no room for arguments. “Use that time while you can. And…take her home. Her parents have been notified.”  
  
A lump formed in his throat and he did his best to swallow it down. “Her body.”  
  
“Her ashes. She had a living will, we had to call the family lawyer to find out in case she survived and something were to happen—”  
  
“I get it.” He didn’t want to hear anymore, the lump back in his throat. He glanced at the double doors that lead to where he was sure her body must be. God…her body… “Can I see her?”  
  
Bogo gave him a gentle look, one that he had never seen before. “Don’t do that to yourself, son.”  
  
Nick didn’t even have the energy to make a comment or argue with him, he just nodded as his gaze slowly trailed down to the floor. It hadn’t hit him yet that she was really gone, and he was going to hang onto this feeling for as long as he could. He had seen what loss could do to mammals and he didn’t want to be one of those. He had to be strong. For her.  
  
And for her family…  
  
God, how was he going to face Bonnie and Stu?  
  
“Wilde.” Bogo brought him out of his reverie once more. “Go home. We’ll give you a call when she’s ready to be picked up.”  
  
He'd have to pick up her ashes from the mortician…he feared he would puke again. He nodded and climbed back down to the floor, barely feeling the tile under his paws.  
  
“Nick.” Bogo touched his shoulder once more. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Yeah. Me, too.” The fox made his way out of the hospital, still a little tipsy, unable to feel anything, slowly making his way through the city at night. His paws were shoved into his pockets, letting his feet drag on the pavement. He didn’t care where he went, he didn’t care who was looking at him, he just…he didn’t care about anything. What was there to care about? His partner was gone…Judy was gone…  
  
Maybe it still hadn’t hit him, he wasn’t crying. But he had always prided himself on keeping his emotions to himself, to never letting anyone see that they got to him.  
  
Except for Judy. She had always been the exception.  
  
And now she was gone.  
  
His feet eventually led him to his apartment building and he slowly made his way up to his place. He opened the door and blinked as he looked into his home, feeling that same lump from earlier rise in his throat. To think that only hours earlier he had been trying to convince her to move in with him…this could have been her home…  
  
He walked into the apartment, closing the door behind him. He let his feet lead him to his bedroom, not even bothering to undress as he flopped face-first onto his bed. He closed his eyes as he felt exhaustion, both physical and emotional, take over, lulling him into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

* * *

He spent the first day in his bed, not moving except to use the bathroom. The second day he actually ventured into the kitchen for food and water. The third day the chief called and let him know that the mortician had Judy’s ashes ready for him to pick up. He laid in bed for half the day before finding the energy to go get her.  
  
Her ashes. He was going to be sick.  
  
She had been placed in a pretty violet urn, a color that matched her eyes. It was ironic in a very morbid way, and he made his way back to his apartment as fast as he was able. He still lost his lunch once he was back in his home, and he realized that he needed to come to terms with the fact that he probably wasn’t going to be able to keep anything down for at least the next week.  
  
Which was really too bad for him since he had to deliver her to her parents and he knew how much Bonnie loved to cook for people.  
  
God, he had to face her parents…he could only imagine how they must be feeling about all of this. They had to bury their daughter…well sort of. They had to spread her ashes though he knew there would still be a funeral. They all needed the closure, after all.  
  
So he packed a bag and caught the first train out to Bunnyburrow. He sat in the last car, his bag on one side of him and her urn on the other. He had his tail wrapped around the urn, protective of her even when she was like this. He had texted Bonnie and told her about when he would arrive and she had texted back that they would meet him at the station. He was not looking forward to that.  
  
How would they react when they saw him? Would they scream and yell? Would they blame him? Or would they collapse crying on sight? He could handle crying better than yelling, but either way he was not prepared for this meeting.  
  
After a few hours the train arrived in the burrows, and he saw her parents as it pulled into the station. The lump was back in his throat but he made sure to keep his expression neutral. He had to be strong. He grabbed his back and put it over his shoulder before grabbing the urn, holding it tight to his chest as the doors opened.  
  
As soon as he stepped out the Hopps’ came up to him, with watery smiles and wide arms. Bonnie hugged him tight and he could feel her trembling. Stu offered his paw to shake and Nick felt his heart drop at the weakness of the bunny’s grip. Stu Hopps had a much stronger grip than that, but grief practically oozed from every pore.  
  
Bonnie glanced at the urn in his paws, blinking rapidly as she tried to keep from crying. “Is that…?”  
  
The fox nodded, holding it out to her. “I brought her home to you.”  
  
The older female rabbit took the urn gingerly from her, her teeth digging into her bottom lip as she tried to keep from sobbing. She stared at it for a moment before she broke, clutching it to her chest she started to sob softly. “Oh Judy…welcome home…”  
  
Stu turned to him, tears in his eyes and a trembling smile on his lips. “Nick, I just want to thank you for bringing her home to us. And…and for taking care of her in the city.” He placed a paw on the fox’s shoulder. “And we’re sure that you’re hurting too…so please just know that you are welcome here.” He gave a gentle squeeze before going over to his wife, wrapping his arms around her as he wept softly with her.  
  
Nick had to swallow hard to keep from crying at the sight. He had been wrong. Crying was so much worse than screaming and yelling.  
  
_I’m sorry…god, I’m so sorry…_

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Keep in mind this ended earlier than I originally planned so more is coming. Things have to get worse before they get better. Also if you caught the slight Hamilton reference I love you.


End file.
